Depends on where you are…Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thursday-End-of-Work-Week! or…both!
I’ve missed those posts that get a lot of comments because I miss your words and your wit. So I’ve decided to solicit it. Not in a bad way.
I would love for people to share something that they’ve learned during their time on Earth. It can be funny or sad or wise, about relationships, parenting, baking, whatever.
[Ed. note: If anyone has a recipe for peanut butter cookies that are more like puffy, traditional cookies and less like big crumbly messes, you get extra bonus points.]
I had a “flashbulb” moment about parenting recently, when I realized that dealing with older kids is just a more complex parsing of “needs” versus “wants.” In La Leche, we talked a lot about babies’ needs versus wants–when they are little, their needs and wants are the same: to be held, fed, dry, warm, secure. Easy. (“Easy.”)
As they grow, their needs and wants diverge. Needs have to be attended to pretty immediately for babies and toddlers, less so for older kids. Their wants sometimes get fulfilled, sometimes don’t, and often have to take a backseat to someone else’s needs.
Example: “Ema! I need a cup of water!”
Chances are, unless this child has been fasting on Yom Kippur, this is a want masquerading as a need. It’s a relatively important want, so it will be attended to…soonish. Because if I need to go to the bathroom, that’s happening first. Eventually, you will be able to delegate the want-fulfillment to someone else, even perhaps that child. Stepstools by the sink are great for this.
Once your child starts spending big chunks of time away from you, it gets increasingly difficult to determine where the need/want bifurcation happens. You have to be a good sleuth. Or, you know, make a complete fool out of yourself in front of your child’s teacher.
“Ema, I need a white shirt for the tekes (school assembly) on Sunday!”
True. This is an actual requirement.
“Ema, I need a white skirt for the tekes on Sunday!”
“Ema, I want a white skirt for the tekes on Sunday!”
After talking to the teacher, the truth emerges. Sadly, my need to not die a thousand deaths thinking of her in a white skirt trumps her wanting one. Not enough Shout! in the world.
I’m not sure where I am going with this, just that it exists and is something I should keep in my back pocket as I am dealing with the usual crazies around here.
Bonus share for the ladies:
The expensive bras are worth it. Trust me on this. The $100 bra from France, potentially handcrafted by little elves, will fit and flatter you in ways that the $15 Target bra and the $32 Maidenform won’t.
Even if you can’t necessarily afford to stock your wardrobe with a full range of expensive lingerie, you deserve one professionally fitted, knockout bra. Because there will always be a first date, a night on the town, a job interview, a special occasion–something!–where you will want to feel and look your absolute best. It inspires confidence. Really.