The best part of Facebook is the status updates. I appreciate it when people can say something witty or funny or express themselves in a limited amount of space and then open it up for comments.
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in about 10 days, so my blogging abilities are sort of in the toilet, but I still feel it’s within my brainspace to update my status as the need arises. Unfortunately, because of the Facebook mashup I don’t feel I can be completely honest. Neither my mom nor my dad are on Facebook, but I’m “friends” with my brother, my sister, two of my cousins, and a work contact of my mom’s. My good friends from the neighborhood, who are all down with my snark*, are on there, but so are the people who I friended months ago, when our kids were still in school together, but now I almost never see them. They would probably look askance at the snark, unless of course they called child protective services instead.*
So anyway, in lieu of a real post, here are the Facebook status updates I couldn’t (or didn’t) post:
Kate is running away from home. As soon as I can find my damn shoes.
Kate is daunted by the idea of another nine months at home with AM. Combine the 2 year old tantrums and the 4 year old attitude he picked up from Miss M and it’s a perfect storm of “Why aren’t you in bed yet?”
Kate wishes her children would shut up and stop calling each other “bad.” If I can’t say you’re bad, you can’t say it to each other. Get a blog to work out your issues.
Kate wants to stop feeling guilty about serving oatmeal for dinner twice a week. (Just to the kids. The grownups get cold cereal.)
Kate spent too much money at The Costco, but the only frivolous purchase was a 10-pack of toothbrushes.
Kate can’t get her stupid act together.
Kate wouldn’t even recognize what having her act together would mean, she’s so far from together.
Kate skipped book club because she thinks that Gary Shteyngart is a sick bastard and can’t read what he writes. I tried to vote down this choice but was overruled. (I wonder if anyone else showed up to the meeting?)
Kate thinks burning down the house would finally help get it in order. Nothing else seems to work.
Kate is a drag.
Kate is already exhausted and overwhelmed by the prospect of hosting Shabbat lunch.**
Kate might be criminally insane.
Kate actually hates flexible work deadlines because they allow for excessive procrastination.
Kate wonders when she will feel like an actual, functioning human being again. And what will be expected of her when she does so.
*This morning when I brought Miss M upstairs to meet her carpool, I told my closest mom friend, “This morning I can’t imagine having more children because I don’t really want the ones I have.” That is NOT something for Facebook, however briefly.
** Can’t post this because the invitees are on FB. But it’s true.