We are what we are

For some reason I can’t just let this blog go.

I’m working 90 hours a month at a job doing things I like, mostly. I feel lucky to have it. I have benefits. I got a bonus for the first time in my life, and I was in disbelief for a few days. Taxman assures me that this is how good companies operate–they reward good work with something other than a paycheck. It is still bewildering to me. In a good way.

I spend every afternoon playing mommy, in which I prepare one of 3 lunches (pancakes, pasta, or some sort of melted cheese sandwich, in rotation). We do homework and run errands. I break up fights and soothe feelings. I cajole and scream and wind up with a messier house than I had at noon. Which, let’s face it, sometimes isn’t much of a stretch. Still a terrible housekeeper.

Sometimes we go out to catch the fleeting sunshine. The winter is rough on my mentality; the weather turns chillier (from 70) starting at about 3pm and the sky is dusky by 4:30. It’s hard to get everything done and out to the park before I want to turn around and pack it in. Games and books, violin practice (for AM), showers and baths, more cooking (dinner! like lunch, only with more courses!), more fights. Bed. At 8pm, work at home mom comes back…until I curl up into the pile of clean laundry on the couch. I would curl up into the pile of dishes in the sink instead, but it’s just not comfortable.

We’ve adjusted to life in Israel. I no longer feel bad about my Hebrew. It is what it is; I can understand a lot. I can’t have great conversations. It’s ok. My work is in English. I speak English to other Anglos. My kids are fully bilingual. That was the point; they’ll fly while I walk. Isn’t that what all parents want?

The kids are thoroughly their own ages and their own selves. We are trying to mold them to social acceptability, but it is impossible to repress the personalities. Not that we’d want to.

Anyway, I started the blog, all those years ago (SEVEN!) because I was feeling lost and trying figure shit out. Now I’ve come to the conclusion that some things get worked on, some things get forgotten, and some things just change, both for good and bad. I found people to be lost with, both “in person” and “virtually,” with the understanding that we are no more lost than anyone else. I had that years ago, back in junior high, and finally have it again.

Being earnest was never really my style; being wry and jaded fits my personality better, but I had to come to that conclusion on my own. So, to a large extent, the blog has outlived its usefulness. But it really is the baby book. I can’t leave it.

Hoping 2013 is happy and healthy for all of us and all of you.