So on top of AM’s cold virus he seems to have some sort of minor tummy ailment. There were a couple of days of generally upset stomach, followed by “loose poop!” (as we call it) in the middle of the night. He’s barely eaten the past couple of days, subsisting mostly on cinnamon toast and bananas and animal crackers.
Naturally he’s not his perky self. He hasn’t had an interrupted night since the middle of last week and he’s had no protein to speak of in a few days; he refused to eat chicken on shabbat, and I won’t give him milk or cheese with an upset stomach.
But I sent him to school anyway. That’s where he’s picking up this garbage. I know it’s the wrong attitude to have, but if I don’t send him, then I miss what I am committed to do.* I have no backup; Taxman’s parents don’t live in the same city and don’t have a car. In an emergency they could be here in two hours.
I won’t send anyone to school with a fever, or something glaringly icky. But he seemed fine this morning. The school has my number, but nobody called me to come pick him up after he had an accident. Though his teacher claimed that he didn’t feel well, hadn’t eaten well (this is a huge indicator for them–in the first couple of weeks of school, before we started the cycle of 4,000 viruses, he ate with a huge appetite all the time and if he doesn’t they want to know why–even if he’s not sick at all!), and wasn’t himself, he was sitting at the table in his usual place, eating a piece of banana. He cheerfully bade goodbye to everyone. I have no doubt that he was tired today–we all were–but if he’s too sick to participate? CALL ME. I have a cell phone. I’m five minutes away. Don’t call me out in front of the two year olds. The only other adult present was the other Anglo mom, who has precisely the same commitments that I do (we sit next to each other in ulpan) and has nothing but sympathy for my position.
It would be nice if we were all feeling tip-top, but if I wait for that it might be April. And I hear spring is when the lice come out. Joy.
* Learn Hebrew. I have figured out that I can miss one class a week or so without losing ground, though the discussions are always worthwhile. Today we had a 20-minute fight about adverbs, which proved to me that Asian nations have nothing to fear from the educational systems in English speaking countries. And I had a revelation about the verb לתאר
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November 8, 2009 at 9:17 am
tesyaa
I wouldn’t send a kid with diarrhea to school, unless it was really, really mild. And I’ve been a SAHM and a working mother so I know that in both situations it’s inconvenient, but isn’t that what being a parent is? Inconvenient?
November 8, 2009 at 9:19 am
tesyaa
Makes me want to rant. Once when I was a SAHM I was carpooling with a working mom with an entitlement complex. Even though my son was home sick, she insisted that it was MY turn so I had to go out with my sick kid to pick up her kid. And you know what? When I got to school the aide said, “It’ll take a while to wake her up; she’s really not feeling well today.”
A sick kid deserves to stay home.
November 8, 2009 at 9:39 am
Kate
Nobody in my house (with the exception of my husband) has been feeling entirely well for two weeks. I have taken kids to the doctor on three different occasions to be told there is nothing to do but wait for it to pass. The kids are finally making progress socially (i.e., AM doesn’t cry every morning; Miss M seems to be interacting with Israeli kids) and to keep them home for two days out of every six, or whatever, when there is nothing to do for them would make me crazy and put me incredibly behind at my “job.” I am looking at my Hebrew instruction as a job; it is absolutely a gateway to my future life here and I’ve already been able to seen a difference between my progress and the progress of people who come only every third day.
As usual, I am feeling resentful that my husband, as the actual wage earner, instantly can say “no way, I can’t work from home tomorrow, maybe next week.”
I would like my safety net, please. And until my new antibiotics start working–the advantage of being diagnosed with *something*–I would like someone to take care of ME.
November 8, 2009 at 1:25 pm
4daughters
I know that feeling all too well. I got a call from the baby’s day care today and I was just wishing there were a local grandmother to watch my kids when they are sick.
Oh, and lice doesn’t wait for spring. My 8 year old’s head can provide the evidence…
November 8, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Abbi
It’s crappy (literally and figuratively) but I think this is the big secret NBN doesn’t splash in their nice brochures- the first winter in Israel for kids is brutal. Young kids just pick up everything here, and there’s a lot more viruses and horrible strep/bronchial bacteria here than in the US. Nobody knows why. I had two bouts of strep here as an adult and I hadn’t had it since I was 9 before I got it here at age 28. My family dr. in J-m who’s Canadian confirmed that there are just exponentially more viruses here than in the NA.
Seriously, I would plan on being home for a large chunk of the winter, while you and the kids are building up your immunities. Next winter should be better. But you might have to start thinking of alternate ulpan plans or look into getting a backup babysitter (ideally a Savta-age woman with flexible hours). Try asking on the Modiin list.
But I agree, I wouldn’t send in a kid with diarrhea. They just don’t handle it well here. My brother’s kids would have it for weeks on end. It sucks.
sorry
November 8, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Abbi
As an addendum and a response to 4 daughters: Backup babysitters do exist. I currently know of three here in Ranaana now. Ask around at the park, i’m sure there are alot of out of work metaplot now because everyone is cutting back and sending to mishpachtonim. Get to know some students with flex hours. There are also plenty of retirees looking for extra money. Ask the sayaaot in the gan if they know of anyone.
Try to get a roster going. It really makes a huge difference. Believe me, my husband is gone two weeks out of the month and even when he’s home, he’s NEVER around. I was bitter and angry for the first 5 years of having kids and basically being a single mom and in the last 18 months when I finally got the flex babysitter going, it’s a whole new world. But the key is finding someone who wants to babysit and has the hours.
Do the research, you won’t be sorry. It’s worth the money and time.
November 9, 2009 at 2:08 am
rachel Stroumsa
yeah. what can I say? I was in the opposite situation – I had the job and my husband did the Ulpan in winter – and he ended up having to drop out and rejoin a different class a month later: trying to deal with sicknesses (his own and the kids) and not miss too much was just too stressful and not worth it, and there’s enough adjustments to do in that first year. Not to say that you should do that, of course – just that the first winter in gan is insanely difficult, and if you get two full days a week you’re doing good. I would say, take it easy and don’t stress about it – AM will be fine, you’ll be fine, you can always take an extra few months to reach the level of Hebrew you want – but you already know that.
PS: no fever, just general lingering ickyness (which could last weeks)? everyone I know sends their kids in and crosses their fingers.
November 9, 2009 at 11:22 am
ccw
I agree with Rachel, send them and cross your fingers they stay. While some may see that as a crap attitude I think it’s a realistic one. SAHM or not, there are some days when you have to do certain things.
I’ve done this many times in the 14 years since Teen L came along and I’m sure I will do it plenty more by the time Nonami leaves home.
I use one of my relatives as my measuring stick about this. When her son was around 6 or 7 he wasn’t feeling well and was complaining a lot; especially about his legs. Since she had to get to work she got him to the car and to the sitter. Not long after she got a call that he couldn’t walk. He was perfectly fine in a few days after medicine but she still beats herself up and laughs about this. So she is my ruler. So long as I am not sending kids that are unable to support themselves on their limbs, I’m doing good.
November 9, 2009 at 10:04 pm
tesyaa
Reading the comments, I guess I have to laugh. So many SAHMs are very self-righteous that they are “choosing what’s important”, to be home with their kids, while looking down on moms who work. Now I find they’re sending their sick kids to school so they can do their stuff! They’re no more devoted than I am.
November 10, 2009 at 12:06 am
Kate
Tesyaa,
I am absolutely not willing to turn this post, nor any other, into a “SAHM” vs any other type of mom post. Based on my experience and the many moms I know, the choice to stay at home versus the choice to work is *never* as simple as you’re making it out to be. Sometimes it isn’t a real choice, but based on family finances (this can go in either direction–the job I left did not pay enough to cover the cost of child care in my area) or other factors.
Very often the work that falls to the stay at home parents is time consuming and unpaid but necessary to make a school, religious, or local community run.
On this blog there are all types of mothers who are just trying to do the best they can for their families and themselves. Their choices are personal and not up for anyone’s judgment.
November 10, 2009 at 12:20 pm
LC
Not to belabor the point, but hopefully to defuse:
my reading of tesyaa’s comment was more that if one wants to be self-righteous (re-read her comment for the full reference) about being a SAHM, one should keep home any borderline sick kid.
Didn’t sound like it was intended to generically apply to all SAHMs.
Sounded like “well looky at that!” to discover that moms who are at home (and NOT working from home for an employer who is owed a specific schedule, since we all have the same household stuff to manage one way or another) also send borderline sick kids to school – esp. since she seems to know a few self-righteous ones.
I do all 3, different days of the week, and am more likely to keep a borderline kid home if I’m home not working than home working (kid and boredom-neediness dependent). So I can see the point. Self-righteous doesn’t match well with “go to school so I can do my own thing”.
(and no, I won’t be insulted if you decide this post just isn’t going here and delete this)
November 11, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Cloud
I’m going to skip the WOHM/SAHM thing and offer some (hopefully) practical advice- have you tried a probiotic? I swear by culturelle to get us all through tummy bug season with as little “loose poop” time as possible.
If you can’t get culturelle, look for acidophilus that claims some clinical testing. Some formulations don’t support the intestinal colonization you need to get the benefit.
Also- some illnesses are contagious before you show symptoms. Some tummy bugs are contagious well past the end of the loose poop. There is no way to be sure you don’t spread these things. Cut yourself some slack on that.
November 11, 2009 at 4:02 pm
caramama
I am going to comment about the WOHM/SAHM thing… My problem with the comment is mostly that it’s seems to come from an “us” versus “them” place. Frankly, I had hoped we as parents were starting to get beyond that. I view us all as moms or dads who are simply struggling to do the best we can as parents.
When I read comments like that, I am disappointed in both the commenter and the people who she knows who are “self-righteous” about staying home. Can’t we all just try to support each other in our difficult decisions as to stay home, work where ever and where to send our kids (sick or not)?