I’m used to being alone in my sleeplessness–meandering to the kitchen to have a drink, drifting to the bathroom, tossing and turning and counting the hours until I have to get up–but recently I’ve had company.
The kids and I have been sick now for two weeks. Nothing terrible, just colds (+ bronchitis for me), with sneezing and coughing and general low-level ick. (We’ve all had the seasonal flu shot. Will it do anything?) But once every few days AM has been crying in the night, complaining of stomach pain, vomiting phlegm (nice, right?), and has had a resulting night and day of wacky sleep, loss of appetite, and horrific crankiness. The night time rabble-rousing is killing the grownups; last night my night of sleep was effectively over at 2:30a, though I had been asleep by 9:30p. Taxman can function ok on six solid hours, but he does much better with more and without my intrusive staccato pleas: “Go! Get him! Take him to the bathroom!” (Vomit and I are not on speaking terms. Unless we have to be.)
I’ve also been drifting metaphorically. I had my tiny little pocket of people in New York–the people I saw face to face–and I’ve yet to get anchored here. It goes without saying that life in New York has gone on without me, as it should, but email and Skype don’t quite manage to keep everything together. Though we were immediately in good stead in Israel because Taxman came with a signed contract for a job, it is the intangibles that are eating at me, the relationships that we had cultivated (with friends, with teachers and school administrators, with doctors) that have been cut down to virtually nothing. We’ve found people in our city to be helpful, but there are tiny rules about everything that we’ve been finding out as we go along that make me feel small and stupid and out of control.
I don’t know where I want to buy a house. I don’t know where the best place is for the kids to go to school. I don’t know how much is too much to pay for their shoes. I don’t know where I can buy English books.* I don’t know when I’m going to be able to wear a sweater. I don’t know how we are going to muster the energy to unpack the last six boxes because every day feels long and draining. I don’t know if any of the nice people at synagogue are ever going to issue an invitation or if I (the introvert!) am going to follow the lead of my extroverted five-year-old and invite them to us. Which I guess I could do, though it feels so wrong to me; I spent a lot of time on the other side of the coin.
I know a lot of this is due to just moving in general and not to Israel specifically. Nine years was a long time to stay in one community. I’ve lost my moorings and better attach to something. Soon.
* Well, there are at least two places in Jerusalem. Not terribly convenient to drop by for 10 minutes to see if the new Audrey Niggeneffer has made it over yet.
7 comments
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November 7, 2009 at 6:08 pm
funky
May I reccommend the new International Kindle
Sounds like you could use a treat
November 7, 2009 at 7:37 pm
chichimama
Big hugs, it took me two years to get used to a 25 mile move, you’ll get there.
And yes, as soon as I saw there was an international Kindle, I did think of you
.
I’ll come visit and tell folks to invite you or else…I can play the big bad New Yorker when I want
.
November 7, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Rev Dr Mom
I bet New York misses you, too.
Moving is tough, no doubt. And you have so much new to adjust to. I hope you feel more settled and connected soon.
And it usually takes me a year or two to feel like a new place is really home. Sometimes longer.
November 7, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Abbi
I’d hold off on the Int’l Kindle- doesn’t work in Israel : ( http://ireaderreview.com/2009/10/11/international-kindle-price-book-prices/
But I heard the Barnes and Noble will work here.
If it makes you feel better, I’ve lived in Israel for nine years, and in Ranaana for 2 and I still don’t feel anchored here. We have yet to find a shul that makes us both happy. Pple in the anglo shul were very friendly and invited us originally when we moved in but we haven’t gone on to the second “round” with many of them (although I do have a few friends here that I do really like).
I’m not sure where you live, but I know a great family who live in the older part of Buchman with five year old girl twins, English speaking, I think you would really get a long. If you want to email me i’m happy to set you up.
abbi.adest at gmail.com
November 8, 2009 at 12:55 am
Rocky
Steimetzky has a nice selection of English books. They’re a chain; locally you have a branch in the Modiin mall, and in Yishporo Center. Tzomet Seforim in Shilat also has an English section.
November 8, 2009 at 1:38 am
Robin from Israel
Moving at any stage is a serious stressor, but actually moving countries as an adult, and one that is responsible for a bunch of other people’s wellbeing, multiplies the stress level exponentially. It would be strange if you weren’t feeling cast adrift – you’ve just left a strong and well-established support system behind. In time a new one will grow, but it does take time. In the meantime use the ones you’ve got, even if it means being a bit more proactive than you might otherwise. Playground moms are a great source of information, so are other local bloggers and the lady behind you on line at the supermarket. Israelis won’t hesitate to tell you what they think you should do, don’t hesitate to ask them either. And most of all, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to settle in, and don’t neglect taking care of mom, too – go out for coffee (or if you’re still sick chicken soup) with a girlfriend, take a chocolate-making seminar, get a pedicure, whatever gives you the chance to disconnect from the stress and illness for a little while and just be. Things often seem a lot clearer and easier after that.
PS Wizkids in Raanana is a great source of English books – and they’ve got a detailed website so you can order online and avoid the trek up to Raanana
.
November 8, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Baila
I know exactly how you feel. Two years in, and it’s much better than it was when I was at your stage of the game, but it’s still not the same like it was. Everyone’s advice is great–give yourself time, it’ll start to fall into place and you will develop a “chevra”. I am also shy about inviting people, but when you bite the bullet you’ll sometimes find it be worth it. (And sometime so NOT, but that’s another story).
There is a woman in Buchman who has an English book business out of her home. Email me if you want her info. She posts frequently on the list. I also have a bunch of books you can borrow. And my friend Shari in Kaiser started a book exchange book club–that’s probably a great place for you to meet people –let me know if you want her info as well.