Dear Mr. Retiree Volunteer,

It’s very nice that you volunteer your time at the Maritime Aquarium. You’ve obviously earned the respect of the organization because they use you in their promotional materials.

But perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve had quality time with the toddler/preschool set. Yesterday, a school in-service day, my friend and I blitzed through with our kids. Their ages are 4 years 2 months, 3 years 7 months, 22 months, and 21 months. We had four kids, two strollers, food, sippy cups, diapers, coats. (What we needed were valets and a sheepdog, but really not your fault.) We managed to get the kids interested in the touch tank. Not to actually touch things, because they were not feeling so brave, but to look at the little creatures right up close.

“Oooh, starfish!” exclaimed the older girls, thankfully pausing in their frantic inspection of the large tanks (in 10 second chunks).

In the interest of being scientifically accurate (I am assuming), you said, “Actually, we call them sea stars, because they’re not fish.”

To which I did NOT reply, “Are you KIDDING me?” But I wanted to. I just could not think of a polite way to dress you down while respecting your volunteer commitment, setting a good example for the preschoolers, and preventing AM from diving in with the otters.*

Kids this age are little sponges and will soak up what you have to say, but they’ve got to stop whirling like tops first.

Please enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

Cordially,

One Tired Ema

* He couldn’t have gotten in. But damned if he wasn’t going to try.